Okay, until I can find something that I really like, I guess.

Yes, I'm "settling" and yes, it bothers me.

Ah, okay, so can anyone tell me why Tumblr is taking forever to load? Because, y'know, that habit will so get it kicked to the sidelines. Unless it's my internet after all; whoops ;x

But seriously, let's have Julia experiment dual-blogging and see how it turns out. She's clever, I'm sure she can do it. Besides, I'm ever-so-attached to my Blogger (STILL! After all this time...!) Sounds like a love affair, but what can I do about it? The heart wants what the heart wants~ Most of the time, it's a healthier lifestyle, but I dunno, maybe something interesting comes up on occasion. Watch for it, folks; watch for it (;

Now, how does a thirteen year old geek-chic style blogger make it big? Because she's so friggen adorable is how.

Where have I been on the blogosphere? Sheeshkabob; not on the style blogs apparently.

College apps and whatnot. Still studying for SAT II Math (how can I do so badly...TWICE?!). Etc. D: Find me on teh Tumblr, world. But probably not on weekdays. Heh.

Okay, breathe. Julia, you can do this.

Okay, I'm posting this here because...well, who really wants to read about college, right?
Arg, like every high school senior out there, my perception of the process is NOT GOOD. Oh wells. That's not the problem.

I don't know why my mom thinks I can get into an ivy league college; it's obviously, obviously, impossible. There is no way average, little ole me is wanted at an elite university; it's impossible. Now, why won't she let me apply to schools I actually have a chance of getting accepted to? Huh? WHY?!
Okay, you can say she's ambitious. I'll accept that she has high hopes. What I WON'T tolerate is someone blocking my paths to success. San Luis Obispo has one of the best biomedical engineering undergraduate programs in the nation; is there a REASON I need not apply? I'm not looking for prestige or a good sports team, hot guys or a perfect campus; I am looking for a school that will offer me a great education. I've told her as much, why won't she get it?

AND WTF IS WRONG WITH UCS IRVINE OR RIVERSIDE? What's that I hear...nothing? PRECISELY! There is nothing wrong with these two UCs, no matter what anyone says. Stop acting all high and mighty! An education is an education D:<

The one I'm facing isn't me; it's the girl whose face I see every morning in the mirror. I am not her; I am more than a mere reflection.

There is a tumblr

Yeah, yeah, I'm succumbing to the new blogging fad; get over it. I find uploading music seems fun. WHY DON'T YOU SUPPORT THIS, BLOGGER? WHY?!

Link: http://whimsykills.tumblr.com/

^ no hyperlink option..? what?
Ugh, but I <3 this blog. I do not know why, I just do. I need blogger to support the blog import feature.

Now, here is Se7en.

Edit; haha. Asian celeb phail.

Here is a picture of Ajoo*, just to break up the monotony of text on text on text.
Likes: stripes.

See, this is why I stick to my Taiwanese/Chinese dramas. xD

They're home.

As I blearily woke up from my afternoon nap, my world once again fell into proportion. As I looked up at my clock, I realized: it was time well enough for the mail to arrive. Quickly, I scrambled out of bed. Two minutes later, I was dashing from the bathroom to the mailbox-- it was time!

Opening the front door, I skipped over a package I was sure contained my AP Bio student guide-- either that or a ticking time bomb. Beeline for the mailbox; GO!
I yanked open the cover to the black box and pulled out x number of envelopes. Heading back to the front door, I browsed through them until...jackpot! Still staring at the envelope, I picked up the package and headed into the house.

Sitting on my couch, I'd have to say, my hands were shaking as I tore that shit open. NERVOUS! Then I looked at my scores and...

elusivemajestial (5:22:46 PM): looking at my ap scored make me feel as if i've grown multiple heads for some reason..

hbfslegit (5:22:59 PM): porque

elusivemajestial (5:24:29 PM): i dunno

elusivemajestial (5:24:35 PM): the numbers look surreal

hbfslegit (5:27:06 PM): they're just numbers

elusivemajestial (5:27:31 PM): yes

elusivemajestial (5:27:37 PM): but they have meaning

elusivemajestial (5:27:42 PM): they represent something

elusivemajestial (5:28:01 PM): they're symbols

My best excuse for this-

elusivemajestial (5:28:21 PM): it's probably because i've decided to start my college apps

elusivemajestial (5:28:29 PM): i'm sitting here on my butt contemplating life

Arg. So here are the all important numbers:

US History: 4
Eng Lit/Comp: 5
Calculus AB: 5

Fin.

Still chasing dreams

It looks like life is passing me by. I need the confidence to accept rejection. Strange, huh? Yes, well, bunch of rambling, not much sense.
I need to finish my drama; I wish this laptop had better wireless capabilities (or something). Definitely something.

Made a list yesterday; crossed out 12. Crossed out three today, added one. I feel so unsure of it all...
Waiting on the mailman. Where are my AP scores?

Wait a second...some colleges don't count the writing portion of the SAT? What the fuck; I'm screwed.

Hey, check it out.

Bio blog, find it in the profile. The spider I was chasing will be up there soon~

Wondering if I should succumb to the Tumblr fad. I dunno. Can I export my blog okay to there? Perhaps I should try it out...

Oh, been watching one of those ancient China drama thingies recently. "Tian Wai Fei Xian," the whole Asian story where...*explanation follows*

Once upon a time, there were seven fairies. This is a story about the youngest~
So somehow or other, she has to go to earth to become a better person. She's rather rambunctious and spoiled, but she meets a boy who is fastidious and kind. He teaches her what it's like to be human and what it means to actually feel.They fall in love.
PLOT TWIST: Humans and deities can't be together.
The little fairy is taken away by her father, the Jade Emperor. The boy is heartbroken, but is determined to have her back; he loves her too much to let her go. He goes on some kind of journey and finally reaches Heaven, where he sees the Jade Emperor. The boy demands to see the fairy. Her father refuses. The boy is sent back down to earth.
The fairy is heartbroken. She does not eat, she does not sleep, she pines for her lover. Worried, her older sisters beg their father to let her see him, just once. He refuses.
Some events happen; they differ depending on the source.
The fairy and the boy are able to meet once every year on the seventh day of the seventh month (lunar; not July 7th).

It's good so far. I think the drama has departed from the original (if one can call it that), but I'm (usually) not a stickler for these things.

Di Gua is so cute! As is Shangguan Gong Zi! Haha.
"Shuai ge! Shuai ge!" -- I love Ariel Lin. At first I thought, what the heck, ARIEL LIN as a fairy? I was too used to seeing her play the not-so-smart girl pining after the smart guy (you know what I'm talking about (; AND IF YOU DON'T KNOW (*gasp*), I am talking about "It Started with a Kiss"...now be ashamed of yourself), but now I think she's great. She looks really young in the drama now, but man, talent shines.

As for now, that is all.

My 3rd of July

So after my pretty awesome day, I went home to eat & discovered this new, fantastic cover by Isaac Lee. Now, if only a slight substitution could be made; I think y'all know what I'm talking about. x(

The morning was bright and sunny. As I woke up at 7:25 am, exactly, I realized I had to call someone. Yes, that was the first thought that popped into my head. *sigh*
Breakfast: My mom had some pretty interesting "pot stickers." Haha, they were pretty abstract after sticking together in the fridge for a week or so. When the time came to boil them before frying, well...!

Small argument with my father about whether or not to bring a sweater. I did because he wouldn't let me go without it. I didn't need it ._. Met up with mai honeybear and Daisy at the bus stop @ Eastridge. Boarded 10 minutes early; was half an hour late to destination. Interesting views along the way.

The Cantor Center of the Arts was positioned in an interesting location. It seemed to be smack-dab in the middle of the Stanford campus, where I have never been before-- humongous! By the time we got there, it was probably 12:30 pm-ish and a good 88 degrees outside (88; random number, a bus we were on); Glen finally found the museum for me<3 Inside, there were a good number of contemporary art collections. My favorite collection had to be the one in the dark room. Me, I don't really recall what the exhibition was called, but I loved the way things came together in that gallery. Some other highlights of the museum visit: those sekrit wood boxes, Jennifer thinking that (wax?) figure was real [elaborate troll], bright blue vases, an (iron? bronze?) horse that looked like it was made of wood, & free pins. After a while (a short, short while), I picked out my term paper piece of art and we left the museum in search of food.

It was an epic journey. First, we stopped by the museum cafe, but- zomg!- who would pay $10 for a sandwich...? We slowly picked our way through Stanford, first stopping at an overpriced supermarket (college students --> poor??? No comprendo.) before hoping against hope that what we saw was a mall-sort-of-thing. Score! McD's & 1 lb of See's Candies later, we wandered around in yet another circle as we decided there was nothing else for us there~ 3:00 pm?

On the bus home, there were gay gangstas. Oh my, I know. I thought it was kinda cute & was intrigued, Jennifer thought it was (insert what Jennifer thought about it here, she didn't seem too interested and just averted her attention after she witnessed a kiss), and Glen was like, "OMG! Did you see that? Teeheehee!" but grossed out (?) at the same time. It was the first time I saw two G's like that. The world seemed to be a brighter place for a moment or two (:

We stopped by Han Kook (sp.?) and stocked up (especially me) on $0.69 Hi Chews (Seriously? Sixty-nine cents? HECK YES!) then the Salvation Army (we took a look at books). At Han Kook (again, sp.?), there were lots (LOTS) of Koreans. At the SA, there were lots of freaky dolls and a lamp that looked like a fright.

Missed the 22, but Rapid 522 today was WORTH IT! The bus driver was so <333, she had such an outgoing personality...AND we passed the 22 that we missed. Take that.

Eastridge at 6, 6:15 pm-ish, maybe? Discussed our day a bit (esp. the Gs again), then walked to Papaya. I saw that dress there...I tried it on, I want it bad. Jennifer should get the dress she tried on too (: It suited her, but I guess it's too "revealing" for her tastes =(

We stopped by Daiso, of course. There, we checked out mostly pencils/pens/erasers. Does anyone know the difference between HB and B lead? Anyways, bought stuff (yes, paid for an everything~), then we left.

Though not everything worked out according to plan today (where is San Antonio? did we get off a stop or four too early? THE MUSEUM???), I think it was the most fun I've had in a while. I didn't piss off Jennifer and the people we met today...
Wow, I feel like today was special somehow (: The people we brushed shoulders with today were all kind, interesting folks. From that odd old man who got on the bus and sat next to Glen, to the nice Samiritan who pointed us in the way of San Antonio, to the charismatic bus driver who was overjoyed to have the Fourth of July off, everybody was grade-A and one of a kind.

Haha, or maybe I like to people-watch.

Thank you.

Symmetry - Little Boots

http://www.mediafire.com/?d5kmwzndzjx

You're the night to my day
And the left to my right
The blood to my veins
And the dark to my light
The stop to my start
And the constant beat to my heart

The sun to my moon
And the stars in my sky
The hot to my cold
And the black to my white
The rain to my thunderclouds
And the truth in my lies

So tell me what you want to see
Coz everything I want to be
Is there in your reflection
Shining out right back at me

So love me in perfect symmetry
Be my everything
If you just love me in perfect symmetry
Only you can make me feel complete
In perfect symmetry
Be my everything
If you just love me in perfect symmetry
Only you can make me feel complete

So tell me your dreams and
I'll tell you all my fears
So ask me your questions
I'll tell you what you want to hear

You're the high to my low
And the give to my take
The shadow I cast
And the echo I make
The calm to my storm
And the lesson in my mistakes

So tell me what you want to see
You're everything I want to be

Just love me in perfect symmetry
Be my everything
If you just love me in perfect symmetry
Only you can make me feel complete
In perfect symmetry
Be my everything
If you just love me in perfect symmetry
Only you can make me feel complete

So tell me your dreams
And I'll tell you my fears
So ask me your questions
What you want to hear

As she watches the ground beneath her feet stretch its way to eternity, a young girl wearing a red ribbon in her dark hair sighs.

She remembers the grandeur of days long past, days anticipated waiting for- days and dreams and the hope of a future she was sure would come. Not so much anymore. As the yellowed grass rolled in waves towards the vast horizon, the sun is sucked towards the shadows of nights long flown, so far away. The dreams she'd harbored inside her had tossed her sable ringlets to the clouds. That wistful look that once lighted her eyes had now become something akin to a dark pain lost on those around her.

Not that they would understand.

Elevated above her world of city-scapes and smog machines, well-dressed madams and punk drag-queens, she puts a hand to the shadowed trunk of a great tree- oak? sycamore? beech?- looking downwards to stare at her feet.

Again, the girl sighs as another day fell. Pushing her hand away from her tree, she descends her weedy hill. Shedding false pretenses, she makes her way through knee-high grass, carefully picking her way through back to the bustling city she called home. Though hope was shattered, resolve dissolved,she had no place else to go. If days and dreams and future came, perhaps then- but still, too early to decide.

Entering the seedy outskirts of town, she untied her ribbon, red as hearts-blood and left it to the wind.

I'm feeling...hesitant and not quite so sure of myself. The goals I've had- the goals I've placed on a pedastal and worshipped and slaved after- seem very far off in the distance and in the immediate future, lying before, me is an immovable mountain of uncertaintainty. As of late, the doubts I've harbored about myself seem to be surfacing and I feel like I'm infinitely incapable of handling the things coming my way. I'm out of my league and in way over my head.

Your past life diagnosis:

---

I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern North New Zealand around the year 1000. Your profession was that of a seaman, cook or carpenter.

---

Your brief psychological profile in your past life:
As a natural talent in psychology, you knew how to use your opportunities. Cold-blooded and calm in any situation.

---

The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:
Your task is to learn, to love and to trust the universe. You are bound to think, study, reflect, and to develop inner wisdom.

---

Do you remember now?

Okay, a little random there. Multitasking. But who can really expect me to "learn, to love and to trust" the universe when I can't even trust myself? Why am I "bound" to think, study, reflect, develop inner wisdom if I realize that certain wisdoms are painful? If I see a knife, my first instinct is not to grab it by the blade, so tell me, why must I?
Cold-blooded and calm? Isn't that just another way of saying ruthless?

I'm sorry if I've been taking this out on anyone. I guess I'm not keen on anyone knowing "me" when I don't know who "I" am. It's been a bit of soul-searching and a lot of napping recently. It truly is a case of "it's not you, it's me"- and it is me. I'm sorry if I made you worry, disappointed you, pushed you away, pissed you off, et al. I'm a bit vainglorious where all this is concerned and I don't enjoy being watched as I crash and burn. I guess what I really want is to be a seraphim of the old, perfect and wholly celestial, benign and at peace...at least I've got the apathy down pat.

(*spoiler warning: tirade coming) On another note, stop taking and not giving. Damn you. Everytime you want someone to sob to, you come running to me; where are you when I need support? I hate it when you act as if I have it all made- you know nothing. Nothing. Stop giving me your pain; I don't want to be responsible for them. Stop giving me your problems when it's obvious I don't want to lend an ear. Stop asking for things and never returning the favor. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I have enough of my own problems to deal with, I don't need yours on top of them. You are not my goddamn priority. (end tirade)

And...I'm sorry. I'm sadder than a very sad panda when you're not around.

Yay, I don't have to go!<3

Open the window and clear the air! Sometimes the world seems all smoke and mirrors.

Ah, smoke and mirrors; I say, I must agree. The world is just a show, put on by actors, unwitting or otherwise.

Art Histories and the Fulfillment of Dreams

Don't do it unless you have to. You don't know what you're getting into O_O;; Well, I guess with Arielle for Art 91, everything is going all happy-dokey; it's Art 92 that I'm worried about. That woman...well, reminds me of Calomino, but I'm actually learning this time around. I suppose I'm biased; I expected a college class & individual work, maybe group discussions as a class. I did not expect a group presentation and a vague one at that. The instructions! So confuzzling! And I hate collaborative projects...I never feel safe procrastinating >__>
But I am presenting come Monday. gg Julia, nicely played

Hold your horses. I thought the focus was just on Western art. wtf is this i see about china. What a drag; she doesn't know her own curriculum.

~~Besides that, the fulfillment of dreams is false. You can never have your dreams fulfilled, sorry. Maybe one, but then again, it's never just one, is it? It's greed and it drives the human race forward, thrusting us towards the next big thing. Without wanting more, we'd all be stuck in a rut- happy and guileless. There'd be nothing to fight for, nothing worth the win; and that's just tragic.

Hmm, keep dreaming. I want more tech advancements to make my life easier.

Willing to pay up?

A week out of school and my sleep schedule is already way out of line. However shall I survive summer classes? I have a few hours; guess I'll deal with it then. Not looking forward to Monday.

I feel as if I have writer's block. The chapter two script for Love's "n"...I feel bad for avidly ignoring it as of late. (but there are two flashbacks! and roundabout events! nooo!)

Replay replay replay --> gets me thinking, who is my MVP? Once again, another thing I am not eager to find out anytime soon. Or anytime at all. SHINee is making me think; they don't even speak English. My life...makes me sad.

"Love is like a bazaar: The admittance is free -- but it costs you something before you get out."
-Anonymous

"Grief is the price we pay for love."
-Queen Elizabeth II

Why must everything in the world have a price on it? Is there not a single thing that just "is"? that in itself is worth both nothing and everything?
I believe that thing, "it," is love.
To some, love is everything; what makes flowers bloom, world go round, everything. But at the same time, it can also mean nothing. Not just to the cynics who refuse to look it in the eye or the jaded once-lovers out there, but to those who truly love nothing; the listless "crazies" we throw into the loony bin. Eh, I don't know what I'm getting at...

Just is it worth it? Worth the happiness, the joy, the pain, the tears? Worth the euphoric high and the fall of God's greatest angel? If we're just looking for something to fill a void...well, there's always drugs and drink, material possessions, cotton balls...
Why love? Humans love; do others? The rest of Animalia? Plantae? Fungi? Protista?

Who can put a definition on the love? The "love" one feels towards one's lover is definitely different than the "love" felt towards a parent. And if the love is one and the same, it's "wrong." Who judges? Who cares?

Love hurts. Superbia, invidia, ira, acedia, avaritia, luxuria, gula; the seven sins rolled into one. How is love the greatest emotion of all if the cardinal sins are present? What is mine's?

I'm curious. Just what is love? what does it cost? am I willing to pay?

I think once again, I'll circle back to the little mermaid of legend. As of late, she's taken a stand at the forefront of my mind. Why did she give up her life of aquatic bliss for a boy she met but once? Without ever having exchanged words with him, she fell in love. Trials and tribulations for naught, she was cast away for another, simply because the prince refused to believe a change in circumstances was at hand; that she was the one needed rescuing, not him. To return to the sea, all gloried restored, she had but to kill him before dawn; instead, she cast away everything for nothing. She can't live without him, but he can live without her. Unbearable pain and she was gone before the sun rose.

It's curious. I'm curious.

Before I get too distracted...

Yes, I am insecure. Yes, I know it. But funny how I didn't until I actually answered that question on Friday. I guess some tears have a reason to fall. What a thing to learn about oneself.

Blah, currently in the midst of "cleaning my room." Hah. That's funny; it'll take several days at least. Oh well, that candy sitting outside my room is worth it. My sweet bribe? Yesh. Those work, very well.

Summer job? N > work permit. Well, first I need a place to hire me. My sleep patterns are out of whack. No homework? What a shocker. Just wait until this time next year; will be bawling eyes out.

Hmm..fell off my bike yesterday. Hope my parents still let me out on that thing. >__<
LOL, but first, I'll have to somehow deal with the pain of wearing pants again. I hate when it scrapes along my gaping wounds (exaggerating). I've actually been quite vocal about my pain the last day or so. Ah, it is what it is. Can't seem to man up though. I like being a girl (;
On the other hand, how am I supposed to clean under the bed? Gar.

Made spaghetti 2-3 hours ago. Went without a hitch. Hurrah.

So back to cleaning room, then more script writing. I love the direction it's going. I hate the time it takes getting there.

School's out.

And yesterday felt like Saturday, which is today, which feels like a Sunday. Great. My funk is off. *sigh*

So, what with school out and all, I don't know. Let's see, I have a week to myself before I start classes at EVC (art history, both) and still need to get that script done for Love's "n" NOT including my summer homework for AP classes & those pesky job applications.

Oh, and remember to fill out the Common Application for private schools. Julia, that's important.
Which freaks me out. Me? Private school? Am I even able to afford that? I NEED FINANCIAL AID PLZ!

So, library soon? I asked for a day off at Tully today. Blah.

June 11: Junior year.

What kind of parent tells their kid they have to call in "sick" for a volunteer job, promises to take afore-mentioned kid to Seventeen Miles, then go, "Oh wait, there's no room for you in the car"?

Fuck the world. I am angry.

Oh, note.

Tomorrow will be the last post concerning the list of the things I'll miss as I get older for the 08-09 schoolyear. Maybe I'll start a new type of list next year?

And what to do during the summer..?
Hell, I'm excited!

May 29: Keeping up with things
May 30: Them.
May 31: Liz Phair
June 1: Wandering around with a purpose
June 2: Wandering around at all
June 3: Reading =(
June 4: Singing out loud
June 5: Knowing everything's going to be alright
June 6: Not lying to myself to stay happy O_O
June 7: Phone calls after nine o'clock pm
June 8: Money to shop with D:<
June 9: The Hangover...people keep talking about it! I wanna rewatch it!
June 10: Being in shape

I hate Guenevere..and Juliet...a lot.

I do. I swear it. Maybe it's the pretty gowns; maybe it's the men; mostly it's because they have people who love them no matter how stupid they happen to be. Arg, they so don't deserve it. What about Ariel, the little mermaid? She turns into sea foam - SEA FOAM! - after risking it all for (failed) love. Stupid Prince (and guess what, I just found out his name...it's Eric, haha o_O;; y'all know why this is funny right?).
See, there's sacrifice, but nothing comes of it.
I'd like to see Queen Guenevere and Juliet work their butts off for something.
Guenevere is a lady, married to King Arthur, who loves her like hell, but she leaves him for some musclehead fop named Lancelot. And what is Juliet but a spoiled little teenager caught in her raging hormones, pushed to the limit by some punk named Romeo?
There is no justice.

On the offhand, tomorrow's the last day of school.
And maybe I'll have a list of the things I'll miss laters?

Bloop..dee bloop dee blah

"...- Even with all the friends you have, you still manage to somehow feel lonely..."
Why doesn't that sound right, coming from the person it does..? =\
Grr...
I feel slightly stalkerish, but I really want this person to cheer up! It's just not right.

May 27: The innocence of youth
May 28: Several months ago

Anyways, everyone seems to be acting like drones now. Is it the post-AP test syndrome, I wonder? Or is it something else? Perhaps it's the heat...
Then again, aliens could be brainwashing us or banshees may be draining our life force!

In APUSH today, we talked about our futures, plans, concerns, whatnot. I went third after Devo and Jennifer, but after I finished, I realized there were a million things I wanted to shout out and have heard. Haha...makes me wonder sometimes: Where will I be in five years or so? There's so much to do and not enough life to get it done! Is wishing for something definite too much? not enough? what I should be actively going after?

Excuse me for being confused with life here...

UMich, please accept me.
But UCLA's my dream school. As is JHU. And Harvey Mudd. Duke. Oxford.
FML, I'll just play eeny meeny miny mo with whichever schools accept me; seems just as good as anything.

;(

Time doesn't exist; clocks do.

Then again, maybe it could better.

May 26: No fear

Blah, don't exactly feel like blogging much, but here I am. Almost summer, getting kinda hot...drowsy afternoons and wakeful nights seem to be draining me. Quite the tired high schooler I am. *yawn*

Senioritis is setting in early.

These past few days have been literally a blur. Everything seems to past by so quickly; in less than three weeks, school ends. This summer...I'm so nervous. This is technically the last summer spent as a- well, how would I describe myself? =\ Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to it.

Was it you
That said that you could never get enough of me
But you confessed
That when we were alone you had to tell yourself to breathe
So maybe i
Should feel a little more like i've been living in a dream
Well I'm asking you should I stay

Even though I love you
(i cant help thinking about if i'd be better without you)
If we stay together
(it could get worse, then again, maybe it could get better)
Even though i love you
(i cant help thinking about if i'd be better without you)
Somethings wrong we both know
That you and i still got a long way to go

Why would you
Wanna be with me instead of other guys
Oh make me feel
Like something special
God I think i've heard million times
So would it be enough
To buy you everything and call you mine
Cause it won't last long if I do

Even though I love you
(I cant help thinking about if i'd be better without you)
If we stay together
(it could get worse, then again, maybe it could get better)
Even though I love you
(I cant help thinking about if i'd be better without you)
Somethings wrong we both know
That you and i still got a long way to go

If I would leave tomorrow
You'd be the last to know

Even though I love you
If we stay together

Even though I love you
(I cant help thinking about if I'd be better without you)
If we stay together
(it could get worse, then again, maybe it could get better)
Even though I love you
(I cant help thinking about if I'd be better without you)
Somethings wrong we both know
That you and i still got a long..long way to go

Long way to go
Long way to go
Still got a long way to go

Click Five's "Long Way To Go"

Just listening to it now, and I've come to realize that I have a long way to go to reach where ever it is I'm heading towards. I think the first step is to decide on where exactly that is.
No motivation. Air. Time.

May 20: Doing homework; sort of.
May 21: Keeping my mouth shut
May 22: Having barely any homework
May 23: Times when I could be nice
May 24: Knowing what to put for the "List of the Things I'd Miss As I Get Older"
May 25: Fanime '09; sort of but not really

Wooooo! Well, FanimeCon 2009 ish over (finally). After three days of "working" the info desk, I am ready to crash.

We did good guys!

Now onto the next challenge! Finals & projects & etc.
Post later..?

May 18th: Magic
May 19th: High school (yes, already!)

Big chunk of my "College Research and Preparation" project

It's (finally) the end of junior year. After months of struggling through huge mountains of homework and cramming for tests, I am just about ready for a summer of nothing but sleep and fun- except! Oh dear, college applications. As of now, I don't even want to think about the arduous process of filling out forms or writing the essays that may or may not determine how I live the rest of my life. Like many other students about to enter their senior year of high school, I just want to give my final year my all.

A wishful perspective, I know.

Somewhere inside, I am thrilled at the thought of taking the next step towards adulthood. I am thrilled by the idea that I get to live on my own, ecstatic that I don't have to attend class every day of the week (or at all, come to think of it). Still, I have to find the perfect environment to live the next four or more years of my life.

In my head, I have it all planned out: I want to be a biomed major at Johns Hopkins University, or UC San Diego, or the University of Michigan-- Ann Arbor...

Okay, I lied. Truth be told, I've nothing planned out. All I know is that in the forefront of my mind, I want to pursue a career that would allow me to work in a lab and help people.



^yeah...

May 17th: Being a frosh ;(

May 14: Elementary school short days
May 15: My old neighborhood
May 16: Trips to MLK library every weekend

Quite tired.

Yesterday, went to BOTT; Tribes, w/e you wanna call it. Shoooo ghetto.
It was uber-hot & stuffy. The lighting was bad. The skits didn't make sense. Oh wells; just makes me appreciative of EV and stuff (to an extent).

But seriously, teal & gray are gang colors?? That's, like, beyond strange.

Then today. Volunteered at the library for two hours, went downtown to the Fanime staff meeting which was another two hours (I was told it was short..guess not...) And now I'm home and pooped. No Menagerie Theater for me; boohoo.

I hope someone recorded it (x

As Kristine would put it: "Just YOUTUBE that shit!"
^^~

Blah. Hello Sad Panda. =(

Wow..

I guess it's just dawned on me that I haven't blogged since last week. Ahh, how I've been remiss in my duties~

Anything notable? YES!

Well, 3 days of AP Testing was hell.
May 6th: 6th grade
May 7th: Harry Potter
May 8th: AP World

+6 essays, I was incredibly proud

Saturday was Jr. Prom. Fantabulous.
^____________________^

Had to home by 11 (and I was!). My parents were all happy and stuff. I probably get to go out again, hurrah!
Felt like I missed out on 10 minutes of fun though. Oh wells, (:

Thank you Glen!<3

May 9th: Polaroids

Then Sunday. Sunday was sort of a blah day after the night before. Not that I did much the night before, but anyways~
I rode my bike out to buy my mother some roses & a card.
And another card, but that's another story. I'm glad you liked it >)
I'm a devious little plotter~

May 10th: A times when things weren't as rushed

Then Monday, May 11th: Nostalgia
It'd be short lines, but I think I used that one already. Unless it was nostalgia that I used. Oh wells, both then.

Sometimes I wish she'd shut up and mind her own business; I don't know you, I don't want to know you. Leave me the hell alone you melodramatic whiner >:O

I stood in line for an hour and a half at EVC. Then I walked out into the creepy back part. Then honeybear called. Then I wasn't so scared anymore.. ^^b

Tuesday May 12th: Freedom
Because now I feel obliged, for god's sake. Dearest, that won't go well.

Today is Wednesday.
May 13th: Those days when I didn't have allergies
I've been suffering all day, wth. I took Claritin this morning too >__<
^ to add to the suffering, I now know It is an official stalker who has no qualms about his stalking. and I saw another undesirable piece of misery. and it wasn't the frog I had to dissect.

Wow, today sorta qualifies for FML D:

Life would be better if I didn't give a damn; then again, I'd be thinking otherwise. There's no winning, is there? Earlier today, I was about to bake some cake, when I realized I was out of flour.
I can't believe I forgot that two days in a row.
I suppose stressing makes me want to bake. Haha.

...


I have cake mix. It's 8:38 pm. Let's hope I have enough time.

I hate

fiddling with the font. arg!

Be Optimistic because life’s not worth crying about. You have one life, make the best out of it instead of sitting around, whining about how it sucks, take action. Learn to get back up on your feet and move on, focus on the present. What happened in the past happened, most likely for a reason to put where you are right now. Don’t worry about the future, as long as you are doing what you need to do now, you will be where you want to be later on. Don’t let other people’s opinion sway the way you act. Stay true to yourself, and don’t bring other people down if you don’t have yourself in check first. Yeah I was pessimistic about my life but you just have to learn to deal with it, and find ways to make it better. It is easier to be a bitch about everything then take a bad situation and make the best of it. And in the end my glass has always been half full.

Yeah, but you have to admit: when the glass has nothing in it, it's empty.
If life isn't worth crying about, it isn't worth smiling about either.

Without thoughts

Versailles, so pretty.

"Without Thoughts"; that's the title of this..whatever it happens to be. I got bored yesterday and decided on a bit of creative writing. I miss being inspired. I guess that makes it two for today.

Anyways..here goes..

It's art! Artistry! It's nothing you've ever particularly noticed, but it's bright, shining, beautiful.

As always, I point it out to you, but you're indifferent: "What? Again?"

And you don't understand. What does it matter if it's not practival or particularly becoming to the suave decor of the living room? What does it matter at all?

I look up and you glance away, a reluctant "Oh, alright," but I know, as always, it's the same, the same. A bore, not a bore, a boar of a bore.

Passionless.

You remind me of a deflated balloon, blue, perhaps yellow: you're waiting for someone to fill taht void inside you with a happy gas. You want Helium to inhale, to raise your voice- high, high, high!- until you can't breath for lake of that O2 oxygen you've deprived yourself of for a moment of bliss.

Bliss before your lungs burst.

But, it's not that you mind. Oh no. There, those cold, lifeless fish eyes again.

I sigh and you throw me a sharp glance. Slight inhale-!

And for a moment- if ever that- there was, in your eyes of molten chocolate-

Oh! Those eyes!

-a moment when dead fish come back to life, swimming, slashing rainbow fins in the fountain of youth.

A criss-crossed line of thought, spiraling ever higher, winds itself around words, and for a moment, I am without thoughts.

Nyah~

April 30: An obedient serf
May 1: LOL; wow!
May 2: Short lines

And another post in a few.

April 29: The days when I was actually worried about CSTs

Oh, good times, those.

April 25: She's All That
April 26: Great America
April 27: Miss Congeniality
April 28: A genuine "I don't know."

"Julia, are you suicidal?"
Haha, do you want to hear the truth or do you want to hear what you want to hear?
I get asked the silliest things.

I don't know how to answer.

April 23: The most randomest talks with them (:
April 24: Bubblefest being fun

Oh oh oh, maybe laterrr

April 22: Free time

"A candlelit dinner is only romantic if you have electricity."
So true.

April 20: Fifth grade
April 21: Club activities; asdfjkl;arg

Oh, life is just teh sucks right now. I hope my mom lets me go to Great America (I mean, I will be taking Jordan out for his walk after all; my brother, not my dog, lol).
Yesterday was depressing; glad you called, even though it was late (:

It's still fudging hot.

April 18th: Emotional extremes
April 19th: Academic integrity

April 17: The necessity of varied responses

I feel exhilarated. (:

I fall asleep every time I try to read The Awakening. It's ironic and markedly impetuous on my part.

The Heart Wants What the Heart Wants

No entangling alliances via Washington's Farewell Address please.

I officially resign myself to giving up.

April 15: My grandma
April 16: Earnestness

Well, yet another almost-over, not-quite-break break. I'm feeling a bit footloose tonight; what is there to do, really..? At the same time, I realize I have to finish a bunch of stuff. Oh wells, I'm too sleepy to do it properly now anywhos. Only two hours yesterday (it WAS just yesterday??). There seems to be a blip in my memories. But anyways~
Parents are so suspicious. No idear why; haha.

A bit of romanticism is clouding my vision as of now. NeverShoutNever always puts me in a good mood. Coupled with some cute sentimental things, I'm a goner. Ahahah...

Yes yes, I really should go to bed now.

G'night<3

April 14th: Fanciful thoughts

Arg, so lazy ~_~

April 12: A*teens
April 13: Something I find interesting

April 11: Looking forward to egg hunts (:

April 10: Spring break with no homework.

Go ahead, make my day.

April 7: Llewellyn; interesting books, those.
April 8: Anyday before Jennifer intro'd me to that..thing...
April 9: Not meaning it.

No, not really. I'm serious. Sleepytime > This, whatever this is.

Only Julia knows what Julia is talking about.

Choking on The Postal Service's lyrics.

"Last night I had the strangest dream
Where everything was exactly how it seemed..."

Creepy. No mystery? Nothing at all?

Apparently, I didn't have as much homework as I originally thought. Oh wells.

I still think it's unfair.

It's Go Time D:

Which means an absence of new posts. Hurrah for AP Testing and whatnot.

April 6: Fun.

Self, you may eat, sleep, and study. Mostly study.

Absolutely convinced

Goodness, there must be something wrong; me, you, the world...
mostly me

I can't wait until next week. Hooray for it almost being spring break!

But yesh, that's exactly what's wrong: spring break. I have to study. What is wrong with that picture..? >__<
Must prove everyone wrong and score fives. Must. Get. Fives. D:<
I refuse to settle for anything less..

And for my SAT II's...well...
>9000, I hope. Over nine-thousand out of eight hundred.

Pep! Pep! Pep!
peep! meep...
Yes, I am trying to talk myself into taking over the world by developing my intellectual capacity. Eff this, I'm going to bed.

One day it will all make sense.
One day I will make it into Oxford and be a Rhodes Scholar. Hah.

Yours,
Julia

April 3: Study habits
April 4: The fifth grade
April 5: Good pop music

April 1: Writing emo poetry
April 2: Having starfruit be the first thing I think of when I hear the word "exotic"

The left side of my cheek is still really really sore. I feel like half of a chipmunk or something; it's still puffy. Darn cavities. I have to get another one worked on the coming Sunday.

I want to look normal tomorrow! D:<

March 30: Having someone pick me up when I fall.
March 31: Sincere innocence.

Cesar Chavez Day

So no school; thank goodness, needed this ~_~
My day was pretty boring up to now: Woke up, went to the dentist, went home to my homework, internets...
Oh the plus side, I got most of my work done. Why don't I ever finish I wonder.

Maybe it's better not to know.

I've had "Everything's Just Fine" by Lily Allen on repeat for a few days now. Since Sunday, I believe.
It's so catchy(:
Is it strange if I can relate to a frustrated British songstress? Ugh. Odd indeed.
Spiraling out of control indeed.

Taxes go up tomorrow. Huzzah. -.-

I want out; let's implement.

Ready for another week? ;x

Yet another for March 29, 2009: Altruism

Down right now; buzz died. Rather unsure about this; I didn't do anything. Stop trying to guilt me into admitting something I never did. People have their own opinions, why can't I?

Accusations mean nothing.

Flow of thoughts going 'round. Ish swirly confuzzlement; arg.

March 29: A belief in self.

March 28, 2009: Battle '09

Was hella fun. Totally worth all those hours of practice.
Seniors OWNED; I thought us juniors did a LOT better than what we expected. Frosh should've beat sophs. Oh wells, there's always next year! (:

March 25: The way everyone used to be
March 26: The ability to trust :\

(:

March 22: My hand-me-down blue Huffy
March 23: A sense of wonder at the world
March 24: Pool parties

Let's try this.

When you were young, you kept a list
of the things you'd miss, as you got older
I've known you, in every life I've lived
yeah, i'm still a kid
even though I'm colder
-One Day, Robots WIll Cry; Cobra Starship

Starting later tonight, yeah? Someone join me!

I try to blog regularly; I really do.

You are still a whisper on my lips
A feelin' in my fingertips
That's pullin' at my skin

Blah. But then there's homework and projects and volunteer obligations (I hate that word, obligations) and, as of right now, Battle.

It's finally Saturday! (: I have to volunteer at the library later today; the most interesting things always happen at the Tully Branch. Then Battle (which ends at 6:30). Blah. I don't want to bring in my costume stuff..moar to carry D:< grr! and I'll be late anywho ._.

I just don't get it.

"Days Go By" is ringing in my ears.

You leave me when I'm at my worst
Feelin' as if I've been cursed
Bitter cold within

Um, but yeah. I wish I could spend my Saturdays doing more things. Need to finish up those 50 library hours fast! (and is it even really 50 hours? if it's less, I'm quitting soon D:)

Waiting for the summer! I'm already starting to tan (-____-;;) but no school > being darker any day. Looking forward to going to the beach <3
Every year; it's so worth tripping in tide pools. Haha.

Days go by and still I think about you
Days when I couldn't live my life without you
Without you

"Stop coming in and out of my life; either stay in or out cause you fuck up my focus."

Alright, so didn't go to school today due to...
well, that. It's all over the local news, so y'all can just Google it or somesuch. Total bullshit; I hope they found out who did and punished them accordingly. It was not fucking funny.

Um, but yeah. Here's a lead:
http://www.mercurynews.com/ci_11958441?IADID=Search-www.mercurynews.com-www.mercurynews.com

And there's a quote; quite random. Found it..somehow. Don't ask.
Alienated.

And I ask myself, "Why can't I?"

Have this Liz Phair song running through my head. Not something that happens very often, having a Liz Phair song running through one's head. Ahh, brings back the memories of fourth grade when I would sit in my friend's living room watching CMC with Terry&Sandy while everyone else would be outside in the pool.

Funny; I remember details but not people. Terry, Sandy, Hoai-Viet, Daisy, Josie, Sarah. Niko, Justin, Janine, Alisha, Cecelia, Stephanie. That's it. That's my childhood. I spent K-5th grade with these people, and those are the (few) names I remember. It's almost laughable. I was the responsible one. (I think still am..does this mean I'll forget everyone in the here and now eventually too..? asdfjkl; NO!)

We're already wet and we're gonna go swimming.
..besides being a line in "Why Can't I?" haha. So today. I was walking home from Carolyn's place; my route was down towards lake, left around lake, down. While walking past the lake, I saw this dinky little car with the ignition on. I WAS NOT CONSIDERING GRAND THEFT AUTO AT ALL! (okay, maybe a little..) until I looked into the car and I saw this couple..and..LOL! the most interesting things happen when no one else is around.
After I was significantly traumatized, I was entranced walking by the little duckies. They always do the most interesting stunts..so I scooted closer and closer..and before I knew it, I almost tripped! That would've meant swimming in dirty, nasty, stinky lake water. Somehow I saved myself..

Made it home safely! (:

Then I did my bio vocab packet. (: Will start on the actual homework soon.

Anyways, day at school seemed pretty typical.
Calc- group quiz; think we aced it.
APUSH- fail. FAILFAILFAIL. It was so hard and I didn't know German words.
Business- well, I did fuck up on my project. One of these days, I'll learn to wake up on time. Stupid cereal box.
Lit- oh hey, I did good for once. 8 on essay; 36 on multiple choice. Okay, 8/9 (but there was only 1 nine and 4 eights) and 36/55 (but it didn't count, plus 36 was the highest in the class).
Bio- Gattaca. Good movie. The sub looked like a small-scale life-size Barbie.
Spanish- Reid got pink slip. Everyone was super-upset. We watched Maria Full of Grace. Disgusting, that.

After school was...O_O

For you: No matter what you say, you did ditch to study for SATs, haha. Unbelievably hilarious. <3
You: My long ass comment was about...you know what, I'll be needing your email address again (I'm glad to see you're blogging again though. I, too, hate being bored in school; sleeping can only be amusing for so long..).
And you: I want my charm back.

Done.

Why Can't I lyrics. Haha.

Get a load of me, get a load of you
Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you
It's just like we were meant to be

Holding hands with you when we're out at night
Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right
And I've got someone waiting too

What if this is just the beginning
We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up
Finding someone else you can't get enough of
Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch
Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch
But wouldn't it be beautiful

Here we go, we're at the beginning
We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

High enough for you to make me wonder
Where it's goin'
High enough for you to pull me under
Somethin's growin'
out of this that we can control
Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you
Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you
It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it
So tell me
Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Blah.

It's Lincoln. Duh. Unadulterated picture, taken from the left side of the memorial, near the elevator.

Korean War Memorial. Couldn't take a picture of the wall, I wasn't pro enough (the reflection was pretty awesome though..)

So, pictures anyone?

Capitol building from verrryyy far away. Didn't have my camera everytime I was there..

Random shot, but I thought it was nice. (:

Like in a picture book huh? This was right after it snowed that one night, right outside the open space on my floor. Could you tell it was through glass?

Blah, it was cold.

I was in my room & bored. Here's a picture of a taxi driving by!

Attempting to fly.

But it won't work because I don't have wings. Oh boo.
http://achoiceinthematter.tumblr.com/post/82607874/137
Haha; shocked, really. There it is. I can't believe how Emo (yes, capitalized) I got about everything after that incident. But it's been like a week or two; time to get over it<333

Yeahhhh, spam the love<333
<3
<3
<3

So, not much. Sick, lots of coughing & congestion, homework.

Recap:
Sunday: Got to D.C. hellza early in the morning, wandered around a little bit. I remember walking into a Wendy's and ordering something with fish in it o_o Then Jessica and I resumed our wandering and hung out in the hotel because our room wasn't ready yet. First to get room keys, however. That was afternoon-ish. Napped/watched T.V./surfted net until our roomies came. Gloria & Imelda were awesome. Everyone went down to dinner, then separated into buses. Or vice versa. Drove past Arlington Cemetary (creepy that late at night), then saw the Iwojima thing (U.S. Marine Corps Memorial). Took some pictures, did not turn out well because of the lighting. I need a better camera. Then blah.

Monday: Uh, so intense. Don't really remember what I did this day. I know we went to the Jefferson Memorial (cold; Jessica thought she walked funny & looked like her mother) and the FDR Memorial (my favorite, I guess). After that, we went to our respective Onsites. I got to see the Chairman of NORML advocate for legalizing marijuana. =\ meh, I just don't see it. Then..uhh, something something. Saw two guys debating. 'Twas interesting.

Tuesday: First thing was a seminar. This guy talked about the Second Amendment and it was much more interesting than maryjane. I took down hella notes (O_O;;). For lunch, we went to the Smithsonian National Air & Space Museum. Wasn't my cup of tea; boring for me. Walked around Capitol Hill for a longggg time. A very long time. Then World War II Memorial (depressing), Korean War Memorial (creepy-ish), Lincoln Memorial (nice view), and Vietnam War Memorial (depressing, creepy, AND had a nice view). I froze my butt off because everyone was basically outside in the snow for 3 hours. Learned a new game while waiting for someone to show up. Dinner was at Buca di Beppo. Endless pasta was...well, let's just say something that would make me cawcaw was sitting right next to Jessica.

Wednesday: Capitol Hill. Lots and lots and lots of walking. Blahhhh, met Rep., reps for Senators. Lunch w/some people who I think were important (I'm sorry, I should get out more), then more walking around. We were given permission to wander, so first: Supreme Court (zomg, so cool!), Library of Congress (dude, let me live there..), then the botanic garden (pretty<3). By then, it was five, so we had dinner at Union Station (wicked awesome), then the buses separated so our little school groups were jammed into buses together. Saw a bunch of things, among them Ford's Theater and the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts. At the latter, I got in trouble for sitting on top of the railing. (:

Thursday: FREE DAY!! First, we went on the Metro (Rishi picked up a black guy), then we ended up at the Holocaust Museum. It was majorly sad/depressing. Ugh. Go if you get the chance though; it's totally worth it. Then Jessica, Kuljit and I went to the place where they print money to buy some stuff for Kuch. It was interesting, to say the least; little first graders ALL OVER THE PLACE. Haha.. Lunch was at the Smithsonian Nation Museum of National History. It sucked us in and refused to let us out. Oh my goodness, I love that place. I AM DEFINITELY GOING BACK! <3 So, Museum, the National Archives, then ??? The Archives were seriously heavily guarded. I got complimented by a security guy when I told Jessica, " They use green because white light bleaches the documents."

"You're a bright young lady." And don't I know it (;

At the dance..hmm, it was alright. I didn't get into the music and the DJs could've done a better job, but it was fun. JESSICA HAD FUN! Haha. Wow, really. Quite unbelievable.

Friday: Home. Went paintballing with peoples. I'm colorful now (:
And also my mom got mad at me x\ First day home, too. Oh wells.

Saturday: That's today. Lots of coughing. Got some of my bio hw done, but that's really it so far. Need to work on my Calc-kill-us homework later and then some espanol (too lazy to insert squiggly over "n").

Next post: pictures.

While waiting

for Jessica to finish her shower (for real), I've decided to blog; so here I am. Wow. So in D.C. right now, for those who didn't know (*cough* Maryann *cough*; sweetheart, blog). Been here since Sunday (ONLY SUNDAY?!), but feels like so many things have happened..it's very fun/exciting/different/boring/tiring. I don't know what to say, my schedule's so packed with stuff..

And so's my room, haha. Just an update, so know that I'm not dead. I wanted to see Obama today :( oh wells, fails.

#62	Someone I can love doing absolutely nothing with. http://achoiceinthematter.tumblr.com/

:D

Leaving for D.C. in 10 hrs or so..! (Well, technically the airport..THEN D.C.) I'm finally excited for it. It didn't hit me until 6:00 am this morning, whereupon I woke up to pack..yeah, at the last moment. (I'm still not done.)
I did mean to wake up at 2 am to begin packing/ mess up my sleeping so I won't be all jetlagged. Don't remember much, but I must've turned off my phone's alarm at some point...

I think I'm just a teensy bit sick- fell asleep last night with a sore throat, woke up with a leaky nose, slight temperature, and head ache. Shh...
I'm gonna have fun!

More on't.

Oh, one more thing.

I've just noticed I'm dressed in light colors. How misleading.

The cutest things on planet earth.

And possibly elsewhere<3 I have to say, it was worth the $110 for my dogs to get groomed. Never seen anything like it~

But now I'm broke broke broke. My mom hasn't paid me yet =\ It feels so awkward asking for the money...even though she says it's okay, that she has to pay me anyways, I feel like I'm pestering her (because I know I am...). It was bad before; now it's even worse. I don't think my dad has been going to work..

He works for my uncle, so I think he's been taking voluntary breaks...my aunt & uncle just asked my other aunt for a 20k loan..financial situation: poor. When will this recession finally blow over..? I feel guilty for blowing so much money; over the past week, I've spent at LEAST $350, including AP fees and everything (and I've yet to pay costuming fees for Battle..shit). AND THAT'S JUST THIS WEEK!! And next week I'll be in D.C. =\ Still don't know how I feel about it all.

Currently listening to Jennifer Lee<3 Older C-Pop has such magnetic appeal. Oh boyo! Reminds me of David Tao, Wang Fei, Miriam, et al.
**Yeah, I seem to have replaced "etc." with "et al." There's nothing wrong with that.

So, it's already Tuesday..
I want to recap last week

Monday (2/15): Ingrid, Jennifer, and Kristine came over (in that order) to do el proyecto espanol. It was pouring pretty hard, but we trekked to Fowler anywhos. Since then, the video has turned out fabulous. I had a bit of trouble subbing it on this 6-year old laptop though. Yeah, video editting + laptop isn't that great of an idea. Thank you for jinxing me. Asshole.<3

Tuesday (2/16): Did I even sleep that day? 2 hours. @_@ Walked to Jen's house, got a freaked out phone call from parental units. Fun in SF...and did you know Caltrain has electric outlets??? Yeah, mind boggling! It was pouring & we had a semi-difficult time locating Jessica. Frisco kids still had school, so it was kinda strange.. Saw Yen & Kim at Forever 21 (x And...
Duuuude, he's so good at shoplifting. It's asdfjkl; awesome but screwed up. >_>

Wednesday (2/17): First Battle practice. It was..difficult, to say the least. I've got some of it down now, but still...

Thursday (2/18): I think this was the day everyone crashed at Jessica's until her mom came home, whereupon we walked to Carl Jr.'s. Hehe..I remember messing with Connie, pretending to be Jennifer on her Acer, Wesley. Funnay stuff...

Friday (2/19): I seriously have no memories of this day. I know I must've been at practice at SOME point, but really...*blanko*

And my weekend was as usual..spent a LOT more money at Target than I intended to...

Yesterday, I got called out on my child-phobia by the lady in charge of the Kids' Program. AHAHHA; so glad you finally noticed, Lucero. Why she never noticed I always worked with the older kids is the real question. I miss Crystal..she hurt her back T_T I hope she feels better soon. She's so chill~~ The bestest supervisor evarr
..then I stayed up to 3:00 am-ish. I would love to know what the heck is wrong with me. Can't I have normal habits?! Falling mattresses..seriously now.

=\ Math is getting to me again. I HATE HATE HATE watching my grade slide. Anticipating, yet never really expecting..ARG!! I wish life was like a video game or something. I would go on a quest, level up, then be godly. *sighh*

Have to get down to business on those scholarships soon. Thinking about college makes me dry heave. Ugh. If I could, I'd be super-beautiful, famous, and married to a rich man old enough to be my grandfather. Once he died, I'd be in possession of a huge fortune.
..Or not. I really don't think I'm capable of such heartlessness. Unfortunadamente, the person I DO like..? Who knows; I don't. Some days, I feel like scrapping it all, running away, and joining a rock band. I want to live life, not plan for the future.

We live in the here and now; what's the use of intangible plans?

Hehe<3

Leaving for D.C. in six days!! Yay.

Yes, well, that's all I'm really happy for today. Other than that..school starts tomorrow...I'm glad I finished all my homework last night; I get to sleep tonight!

I watched Pan's Labyrinth --> good movie, bad character summaries on my part.

Trip to Target --> utter failure. I spent about $70 more than I had intended. Great.

Hmm..slightly worried. I wonder how cold it will be in the Capitol. I don't really know what to bring. Haha, planning out my procrastination: I'm not going to pack until Friday. Namely because I won't have enough clothes for school if I put it all away. Which worries me; what am I going to wear when I get back? O__O And nothing is not appropriate. Geez~

Let youth not be wasted on the young.

I've been thinking a lot about life recently, and with no one to allay my fears of what may come, here they will go.

Ever since I was young, I've always thought that life would make more sense as I'd get older. Hah; I scoff at my naivete. Life makes is more confuzzling now than it was a decade ago. Somewhere along the line of yesterday and today, I've lost the desire to wait on the world. It's just not going to change by itself. There is a quote up on my wall, by Gandhi, I believe: "Be the change you want to see in the world." That's sort of funny; how can I be something I don't really believe in..?

Yeah, yeah, I'm being cynical here. But =\ it is what it is.
BTW, this video is taking wayyyy too long to convert.

Just thinking out loud.

She's 16/17, beautiful, famous..and a transvestite. Kim Petras's success makes me question my ability to live out my own life. I realize that I don't have to be perfect in every respect, but isn't there something that's different, something unique, about me? Just imagining the inevitable "NO" scares me. Like it's been said, it is not the fear of death which holds me back, but rather the fear of being forgotten. It's hard to imagine going through life- the whole of it, not just a mere 17 years- without leaving a mark. I don't want to be a household name, I just want someone to think, "Oh, I remember her. She changed things for the better."

Happy Valentine's Day

Even though it's such a Hallmark Holiday and there's not really a St. Valentine, patron of love, have a good one.

Hmm

I just feel like ranting today. Friday the thirteenth huh? :\ I'm rather disappointed in myself; who knows why? I didn't do anything wrong, I just feel guilty. Of what? Nothing.

I happened to see ~4 tails-up penny. Is there a deeper meaning?

*Oh shit. Another family argument, again. I don't know why my aunt can't understand; my uncle is going through a really difficult time right now. Not only is his wife not mentally stable, his two daughters need someone to take care of them too. He's lost his job and is god knows how far from any real support. Add to that pressure from them, those greedy little -grr-
I hate how they always take advantage of us. Who the hell do they think they are anyways? If they don't want to work hard, they deserve that position in life. Don't get all green-eyed monster on those who work their butts off. Just because they don't understand, they resent it.

Rawr. Just a bit upset.

Now time to pick myself apart. Why can't I dedicate myself to anything? 110% is bullshit where I'm involved. I don't feel like I've ever exerted myself. Maybe exhaust myself a little, but never (never ever ever) have I exhausted my resources. It's not because I'm stupid or lazy (I'm not)...I've just never had to before in my life. If anyone asked me now if there was anything I was truly passionate about, I'd have to say no. This doesn't sit well with me. I'm 17; there must be something I'm willing to give my life to achieve.

I rack my brains and still, there's nothing.
To tell the truth, there is nothing, no one, I would walk to the ends of the earth for. It's really sad. Really, really sad.

*more on this some other time? I don't want to get yelled at now. haha